Boro woman tells all about Jewish weddings

BY LAUREN MATTHEW
Staff Writer

Lea Bayers Rapp SAYREVILLE — When it comes to Jewish weddings, Lea Bayers Rapp wrote the book.

Rapp, 59, a full-time writer who has lived in Sayreville since 1972, was working on bridal articles for magazines in 2002 when she was approached by editors asking if she’d write the definitive work on Jewish nuptials.

“I felt it would be a delight to do,” Rapp said.

She had written 21 other books — all nonfiction, except for one contribution to a humor book published by St. Martin’s Press.

“I wish I could write fiction,” she said. “I have all this fiction in [my head], but it won’t come out.”

Rapp, who has two grown children, one of them married, said she felt she could bring a lot to the compendium her editors were asking for.

“I do have a lot of personal experience,” she said, noting that she is from a large Jewish family and has been involved with “lots of weddings over the years.”

Just the same, Rapp found that her quest for wedding information led her to learn more about Judaism.

“I thought I knew my religion really well. But I learned so much I didn’t even know,” she said.

Researching her topic took slightly more than a year, and entailed conversations with several hundred people, including brides, grooms, rabbis of all denominations of Judaism, caterers and wedding specialists, Rapp said.

The research, she said, was fun. In fact, Rapp ended up with so much information that only about a third of it made it into the book.

“My editors told me, ‘The key was book, not encyclopedia,’ ” Rapp said with a laugh.

“The Complete Book of Jewish Weddings” takes readers through every stage of the wedding-planning process, from engagement to chuppah to honeymoon.

Rapp said her goal was to include important information that people often overlook, such as how to travel to destination weddings with a wedding gown and how to get the best deals. And Rapp knew she wanted the book to be funny.

“A lot of my work tends to have humor in it,” she said. “It’s my voice.” One of her tips for a bride-to-be: Your best friend’s physical appearance, good or bad, is no reason she can’t be your bridesmaid.

Rapp also wanted couples to be able to glean information about religious and secular ceremonies and take details away from the book that make their weddings better.

“I’m taking a completely modern approach,” she said. “I’m not pounding the religion over people’s heads.”

Planning a wedding can be difficult. And Rapp wanted to provide a comprehensive guidebook for couples so that they could know what they were getting themselves into beforehand and walk through it with grace.

“It’s a very hectic time,” she said. “It can become overwhelming.”

Rapp noted that, now more than before, men are involved in planning their weddings, “which is a good thing.”

“The Complete Book of Jewish Weddings” was originally published in June 2002, Rapp said. But in September, a new edition was republished in trade-paperback format, redesigned and with new and updated information.

Rapp said the most important thing is for the bride and groom-to-be to remember that the wedding is theirs. Things should be done the way they want them done for the big day — despite the influence and pressures of family and friends might have.

“You shouldn’t lose track of the fact that it’s your wedding,” she said.

Rapp recently celebrated her 39th wedding anniversary with her husband.

“My advice must’ve stuck,” she said, laughing. “It’s a wonderful ride when you have a wonderful marriage.”

“The Complete Book of Jewish Weddings” is currently available at Barnes & Noble in East Brunswick and through other bookstores upon request. The book can also be found online at Barnes&Noble.com and Amazon.com.