Thank you for holding. And holding. Your call is not in the least important to us, but we appreciate the amusement it affords our staff, who regard as laughable your delusion that help is to be found through our 800 number or our Web site.

We at Comcast have no intention of helping you. However, we'll boost your blood pressure's skyward trajectory and we'd like to think that our enhanced services will enable your ulcer to perforate soon.

Should you actually reach a staff member, every effort will be made to convey how bored they are by your questions and how unable they are to assist you.

Not yet a migraine sufferer? Try the live chat feature on our Web site! Remember to keep your wits about you while they ask for your Social Security number. Hard to believe? Try it and see! And remember Comcast's Bombast … to serve you, we'll unnerve you!

Joking aside, folks, I have returned the box and have ordered a downgrade in our service. Without Turner Classic Movies, what's the point? Comcast targeted the customer who watches channels that offer content not awash in juvenile shock humor and ugliness. How I wish Monmouth County would circle the wagons and downgrade their service in protest. Even if you downgraded for only a month, what a drop in revenue and what a punch in their corporate gut it would be. Well, this household is doing it. Hello, Netflix. And, for the cost of a stamp, I am sending a copy of Gregory Bean'sApril 10 article to: GregArnold, regional senior vice president, Comcast Cable New Jersey, Philadelphia. Let them hear our voices!

Tina Kaplan

Red Bank